so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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