im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
