Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
