I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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