I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
