I'm so fucking centered right now
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
