My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
