I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
