Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
