Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
