five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
