the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
