YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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