So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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