Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
