I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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