ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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