I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
