we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Me too!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
