bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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