he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
