dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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