I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
