You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
