I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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