I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
