I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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