Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Randomize
