The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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