I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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