You made me cry and you don't even care
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
