I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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