We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
