got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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