I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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