so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
