his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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