I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
