Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
