That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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