Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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