I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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