that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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