____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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