Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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