She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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