I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
