so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
