DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My life is pants optional.
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