We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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