My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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