I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
