Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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