I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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