fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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